Peeling Your Life’s Onion

I turned 74 this month. Every birthday can be a time of reflection and evaluation—as well as the certain knowledge that there are more years behind me than are those that lie ahead. Two weeks before my birthday I gave the last of my scholarly library to the son of a former student of mine. The son, Tim, is a student at Utrecht University where he is studying biblical and ancient Near Eastern languages, as I did 50+ years ago. I can’t think of a better afterlife for my library. And here’s where the onion peeling comes in.

Our lives are made up of many layers. The longer the life, the larger the onion and the more layers. Giving away my library to a younger individual has removed several large layers of my life and work, and I can’t pretend it didn’t cause mixed emotions. It is so easy to identify oneself with one’s work; and my books were my tools. Yet here I am, still alive and kicking, and still me. Peeling an onion is not like being flayed alive! During this same recent period, my wife and I have been doing some serious clearing out of life’s accumulated stuff: clothes, dishes, extraneous furniture, bookcases (of course!). I have found myself remembering when and where we acquired each piece, so it has been a sort of life review; and that onion keeps getting smaller. And none of this has killed me, which is to say, none of it was essential to my life or to being who I am. However, I know that not everyone experiences things this way.

In my first parish, I noticed a curious and morbid pattern: I was burying a lot of 60-something men who had died of no apparent cause. As I talked with their families and friends I began to discover the underlying cause: they were corporate men. They had devoted their lives to one business or another and had left their wives to deal with “extraneous” things such as home life and children. Their faith was largely superficial and certainly nothing that sustained them spiritually. The other common factor amongst the deceased was that they usually died within about a year of retirement. In sum, the end of working life equalled the end of life itself. They quite simply had nothing to live for. In addition, they had few if any interests outside of work. They didn’t volunteer their time, didn’t play sports, didn’t read or paint, etc. At retirement, their onion was chopped right down the middle and was found to be largely dry.

So dear Reader, how much of your life is actually you and how much is merely your life’s role, stuff and things? How many possessions do we hang onto to prove that we exist or that our lives actually matter? If all of our worldly possessions, degrees, awards, promotions, etc suddenly disappeared, who would you or I be or would we simply disappear as well? It’s the old saw about human beings versus human doings. As for me, I’m finding the process of peeling my life’s onion a fascinating adventure. I am enjoying finding the “core” me that still exists underneath the layers. And no, we can’t take anything with us; and all that we really leave behind is what we gave away of ourselves.

American Exceptionalism

Much has been made of « American exceptionalism », particularly since Obama’s presidency. You might recall that Obama (rightly) declined to affirm his belief in American exceptionalism, as the world’s greatest nation in every way, shape or form: I.e. the cant we regularly hear from Trump. I would like to venture into this vexed territory and say that in many ways…perhaps too many…the US is exceptional.

The United States has a wonderful constitution, except it chooses to ignore it.

The US, via its constitution, has a balance of powers: judicial, executive and legislative, except that it chooses to place all power into its current dictator, Trump.

The US has a professed rule of law except the laws are changed and ignored at the whims of Trump.

The US has a separation of church and state except that Trump and his MAGA devotees decide who is a true Christian or whatever.

The US professes to be one nation « under God » except that it worships Trump.

The US claims that there is « liberty and justice for all » except if you are a person of colour, have the « wrong » accent, are a woman, or are of any political persuasion except MAGA republican.

Trump claims to have detested Ayatollah Khamenei except that Trump is the mirror image of the deceased (murdered?) repressive theocrat.

This is far from an exhaustive list, but as you can easily see, the US is quite exceptional. It has become exceptionally violent, evil and untrustworthy. The rest of the world—particularly Greenland and Canada—can only worry and wonder when the exceptionalism comes their way.

America’s Deadly Three Cs

The fight for the soul of America could be nearly over. The fight for democracy has ended: the military ignore their vows to uphold and defend the constitution. Instead, they are part of Trump, Inc, following his orders alone. They bomb foreign countries at will, commit piracy and murder on the high seas and are eying other countries for takeover. Might makes right. The law courts make the right noises but Trump, his sychpohants, and the ICE Brownshirts act with impunity. US citizens are shot dead with without legal repercussions. So forget whether democracy will survive in the USA. It, along with the rule of law, is already dead. Next comes the soul.

The collective American will has been crushed by its three Cs. The first is Convenience. When I tried living in the US again (2017 – 2020) I used to drive past the billboard shown above. It always bothered me. It wasn’t just the conspicuous consumption, but rather its raw honesty: America is the land of Convenience. Food, fuel and love(?!) all in the same filling station. Every town or city has a strip of fast food providers (they are’t really restaurants): burgers, fish, steaks, road kill–all just waiting to be consumed! SImply point your oversized car or pickup truck into the car park or the drive-through window. You too can become morbidly obese with the American addiction to saturated fats and sugar–and salt–don’t forget the salt! It will help finish off your heart when you can no longer walk farther than from your house to your car. Then there is the conveience of going from an air-conditioned house to an air-conditioned car to shop in an air-conditioned mall. And outside of Saudi Arabia, the fuel is the cheapest in the developed world: Convenience.

The life of Convenience soon leads to the attitude of Complacency. “Oh well, America IS exceptional. Our leaders tell us so! That’s why our 5% of the world’s population deserve to consume nearly 25% of the world’s resources…and we’re prepared to take more!” Even Americans with a conscience find themselves weighing up a nice house, cars, the ability to shop the world, and–if you’re white–the privilege of being left alone, versus taking direct action. As long as you don’t speak out against The Leader things will be okay. Just be glad you don’t live in Venezuela, Iran, Greenland–or any other place the Trumpkin wants to conquer or bomb. Simply turn off the news and keep shopping! And that leads us to the final C: Compliance.

Compliance–or one could just as easily say Capitulation–is the final resting place of both democracy and the sullied soul of America. “We have all the material possessions we need…well, nearly, so why stir up Trump’s hornets’ nest? He can’t last forever.” No, but the MAGA Reich will outlast Trump and Project 2025 will become Project 2026, 27, 28, etc. Remember when Q-Anon used to say that the Democrats ran a child abuse ring out of a pizza parlour in DC? MAGA republicans were outraged. (One thing illiterate Americans need to learn is that narcissists always project what they are doing or planning on someone else.) Well, faith and begorra, as the Epstein files are slowly released and as names are named, see how blasé and complacent family-values republicans and non-commited Americans have become. Yes, Complacent to the point of Compliance. For this writer I would dare say that child abuse and sex with trafficked women and men is the prerequisite to become a true MAGA republican. Why fight it? God has sent Trump, right?!

America has lived at the top of the world’s food chain for too long, and now, like its leader, is bloated and insatiable. It has turned against its own populace and benevolent institutions, and has become the architect of its own ruin. The US has also turned against its long-time allies and friends, while serving the interests of Putin’s Russia. I would love to be wrong(!), but at its current rate of decline, I can envisage within my lifetime an America run by a handful of billionaires with 300 million serfs, eager to have a job and a meal. The state police and military are serving the whims of their paymasters and can control the populace. Who or what is going to stop them? Nothing but full-scale civil disobedience can begin to save America’s soul…if it isn’t already too late.

Chopping Wood, Carrying Water

For any readers familiar with Zen Buddhism the above phrase will be familiar: “Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water; after enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water.” When I was young and much more idealistic than I am now–and I am still an idealist!–I used to picture enlightenment as a constant state of bliss…perhaps even as an escape from the mundane. I was wrong, of course. Enlightenment isn’t about ending life as we know it, but about changing our inner attitude towards life as we know it: Everything has changed, but nothing is different. Chopping wood and carrying water. Life does go on and we need to eat, sleep, do some form of work etc.

My wife and I live on a little farm in Basse Normandie which we share with goats, chickens and a cat. Because we heat with wood, my daily routine is shaped by chopping wood (that’s one of our woodpiles in the photo) and carrying water. Just recently we had 12 days of below freezing weather which resulted in the well water freezing. Thus we had to carry a lot of water from our house to our goats and hens. It was simply necessary to sustain life. Yet it wasn’t drudgery because this is a life I choose and I wouldn’t change it with anyone.

A little background: From my earliest days I was counter-cultural. A dear professor friend once said to me, “Frère Jacques (his nickname for me) your greatest challenge in life will be to walk the fine line between being co-opted by society and its norms and being crushed beneath its wheel.” I was 19 years old…whew! Yet truer words were never spoken. Being academically gifted I spent numerous years as a “student prince” accruing scholarships and grants and studying at world class universities, such as Duke and Harvard. I earned four degrees, my doctoral dissertation was published by a renowned academic press and yet…I found academia as full of snobs and pricks as the rest of the society. At the same period I became an ordained minister–mistakenly thinking that the church offered a viable countercultural life. Well, it did for the 7 years I was a prison chaplain (where I felt curiously at home!) but parish life became a boring round of hatch, match and despatch religion, with very little curiosity about the bigger questions of life or service to others.

Now let us go back to about 1972. I was spending a winter term with some fellow students on my family’s farm in the lower Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. It was an experiment in communal living which turned out to be a disastrous learning experience. During this time I wandered into a small roadside cabin which sold second-hand tools, etc. I had needed a good bow saw. The owner sat by his little pot-bellied stove for warmth. Now here was a man who seemed genuinely at peace with himself and the world. It turns out that he split his time between his little shop and being the janitor at the local bank. He talked reflectively about the people he saw entering and leaving the bank. It was a mixture of hope, tears, worry and disappointment–all focussed around money: the need for it or lack of it. This man lived a quiet, almost monastic life, with few material needs beyond life’s necessities. He made an impression on me that has lasted to this day. (And I still have the bow saw!) But at that time I had my lust for knowledge and travel which drove me towards some sort of “future fulfilment.” One day, my friends and I went hiking around a lake formed by a Tennessee Valley Authority dam, where I encountered another chap whose impression would last a lifetime. He actually lived inside the dam! There was a small apartment on the top edge of the dam. He operated the gates to send water down the Dan River. (This was in the days when things had to be done manually.) Once again, he lived a sort of monastic existence. He had shelter, warmth and the necessary comforts: electricity, water, etc. His life was spent in exquisite natural beauty and tranquility. And like the shopkeeper, he had peace of mind.

Maybe I am just a slow learner or needed the stern tutelage of life’s hard knocks. I have flirted with being co-opted by society’s charms and have come damn close to being crushed beneath society’s wheel. But neither of those possible outcomes has had the final say. Learning to be who I am, where I am has been a lesson well worth the learning. If I could never go on an aircraft or ship again, and were restricted to our little farm, I wouldn’t shed a tear. I will gladly go on chopping wood and carrying water on this little piece of paradise.

RFK, Jr: The New Karl Brandt?

RFK, Jr has been very vocal of late concerning the unhappy plight of people with autism and the drain they place on society and their families. This redounds with Aktion T4, a private authorisation signed by Hitler in 1939 to authorise the involuntary euthanasia of children and adults with disabilities. Dr. Brandt and his associates decided that such persons (Untermenschen) could not be happy, loving or productive…how could they know? Nevertheless parents and carers of persons with various handicaps were encouraged to send their family members into one of the various clinics across Germany where they could be properly « treated ». In fact, their treatment was to be gassed shortly after their arrival. Brandt et al experimented with various ways of killing those in their charge, from carbon monoxide poisoning in the back of trucks to Zyklon B, which was found to be quicker and more efficient, thus becoming the killing method of choice in the concentration camps. In time, Aktion T4 was extended to the elderly, chronically ill and others who were considered to be « unworthy of life ».

Unworthy of life

Unworthy of life…let that sink in and then consider the recent statements made by Robert Kennedy: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/apr/20/autism-vaccines-robert-f-kennedy-jr-usa-donald-trump

The Holocaust did not begin with the Jews. It began with the deliberate killing of ordinary Germans whose only crime was to have a disability. At present the focus is on autism, but just as in Nazi Germany the focus will widen to other « undesirables ». Trump is talking about having people he deems criminals sent to El Salvador, with no hope of return. Let’s remember that Hitler first suggested that all Europe’s Jews should be sent to Madagascar. But that was too slow, cumbersome and expensive, so local extermination was deemed most appropriate.

We dismiss the sick drivel that is spewed forth by Trump, RFK, Musk and Vance at our peril. They are following a plan. As for me, I will not be celebrating Liberation Day on 8 May here in France, because I see the same evils in the works again after a mere 80 years.

The Munich Irony

More than a few pundits have noted the ironic similarity of this week’s Munich conference between leaders of the European Union and JD Vance of the US, and the Munich conference of 1938. In 1938, Hitler, Neville Chamberlain, PM of Britain, Édouard Daladier of France and Mussolini decided the fate of the then Czechoslovakian state, without representation from the Czech people. A few days ago we watched JD Vance give European leaders a dressing down, telling them their countries were not true democracies because they try to prevent such undemocratic takeovers as we have witnessed in the US. The purpose of the meeting never arose: Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine. Instead, Trump’s lapboy, Vance told the European leaders that the US and Russia would sort out a peace agreement without European input, and most particularly without Ukraine.

The 1938 Munich conference has been called history’s biggest appeasement debacle. Although Chamberlain returned to Britain waving the agreement signed by Hitler and proclaiming « peace in our time », it was soon consigned the scrap heap of history by Hitler and Stalin’s non-aggression pact, whereby their two countries could gobble up their neighbour, Poland, without a by your leave. This too swiftly ended up on the scrap heap as Hitler invaded Poland and Russia (albeit 20 months later). The invasion of Poland began World War Two in Europe. The peace guaranteed by the Munich agreement hadn’t even lasted a year.

And now Hitler and Stalin, in the persons of Putin and Trump, prepare to meet again in Saudi Arabia to discuss the fate of Ukraine, without of course, input from Ukraine. These will ostensibly be « peace talks » but Trump has already let slip that he wants Ukrainian mineral resources for the US. So is it about « peace » or the division of Ukraine for Russian/American gain? Munich 1938 was about who got what in the name of a short-lived peace. Trump has also made it known that he would like to annex (read: invade) Greenland and Canada as their mineral wealth would benefit US interests (read: Trump’s billionaire friends).

Whatever comes from the US/Russia talks, one thing is certain. American expansionism (Manifest Destiny II) is on the move, just as it is in Russia and China. Under Trump (who has no friends), America’s allies and friends are being treated as potential enemies. The world order has experienced a seismic shift and the world is now a much more dangerous place.

Surviving an Abusive Country?

Most of you who have read my blogs or novels will know that I spent many years working as a prison chaplain in the US during the late 70s and early 80s. I was most affected by the three years I worked in a women’s prison in North Carolina. I would venture to say that the vast majority of women behind bars came from backgrounds of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Often their only « crime » was doing away with their abuser. (Read my novel, Doing Time.)

It’s a sad and well-known fact that women who have been abused, if they escape the relationship, very often they find their way into the hands of another abuser. I can never forget telling a young woman, who had been abused by her father, partner, etc, that I had never hit or abused a woman. She cocked her head as though to get a better look at this bizarre man who didn’t abuse women. That’s all she and her fellow inmates had known. I have often reflected that if I accomplished nothing else as a chaplain, I simply presented and spent time with women as a non-threatening male.

Now let’s widen the lens: what about abusive countries? I grew up in the US, the son of a US Marine, and was once described as an « all-American boy »(!). But then the civil rights protests became a part of daily life, and Vietnam loomed. I was white, so I had my privileges regarding the law and lunch counters, but ‘Nam was different. My country was quite content to sacrifice its sons on the altar of national and presidential pride. I managed to avoid the draft by going « off the grid »; which caused a major rift between my father and me, and took years to heal. (Read, No Good Deed) But it was clear to me the US government and Department of Defense cared not one iota for their young people. And so I left the US and, apart from a few years, have lived as an émigré, first in England and now in France.

Now that there is a new(ish) abuser in the White House, for whom the citizenry and the constitution mean nothing, I have received numerous enquiries from people about leaving the US. Many of them remind me of that young woman in prison who found it hard to believe that it was possible to live without abuse…read: lies, corruption, threats to other countries—including allies! The subtext seems to be: « Can I really live a decent life abroad or is it just easier to stay with the guns, racism, sexism et al? » Maybe it’s more existential: « Who will I be when I’m no longer a threatened species in the American ecosystem? » Well, I and numerous other expats are living proof that it’s possible.

My wife and I moved briefly back to the US in 2016, right at the end of Obama’s time in office. I, mistakenly, had hoped that America had changed. It had, but for the worse! Trump came in trying to rid the US of Obama’s legacy, no matter the price paid by the average American. He encouraged militias and even the KKK to « liberate their states », I.e. overthrow legally elected state governments. We felt somewhat like Jews in 1930s Germany. « Does Hitler really mean what he says and what he wrote in Mein Kampf or is it mere rhetoric? » Read: « Does Trump really intend to enact everything in Project 2025? » Well duh. There’s only one way to find out. We got out.

America’s Whitemare

Continuing the theme of “nightmare” from my last blog, today I turn to the core issue: race. But it is not just a matter of skin colour; no, America’s nightmare is a toxic mixture of race theory wedded to an unconstitutional view of religion seasoned with a bastardized version of Jesus. This is the Whitemare awaiting Americans. Once again, if you think I am exaggerating, simply revisit republican Kandiss Taylor’s “Jesus, Guns, Babies” tagline. She was the republican gubernatorial candidate for Georgia.

The unholy marriage of Jesus and guns gives white christian nationalists the assurance that theirs is a crusade, that God is on their side, and that those who disagree with them are simply living, moving targets for their stockpiles of weapons.

The future of America doesn’t simply look bleak, but bleached…bleached white. One can easily envisage white nationalist churches with both the American flag standing opposite the confederate battle flag or the swastika. Pasty white faces all in a row with their voices raised, and a tear in the corner of the eye, as they sing

Jesus hates the foreign children

All foreign children of the world,

Red and yellow black and brown,

He will blithely gun them down,

Jesus hates the foreign children of the world.

The Nightmare Begins

One month after Hitler was elected chancellor of Germany (January 1933) there was a fire in the Reichstag building (probably started by the Nazis), the home of the German Parliament. This led to the “Enabling Act for the Protection of People and State.” It was, in effect, a “declaration of national emergency” such as Trump intends to enact after(?) his inauguration in January of 2025–almost exactly 92 years to the date after Hitler became chancellor. Trump’s intention is to play the same card as did Hitler: Round up the Unerwünschte or “undesirables” who are “poisoning America’s blood.” To carry out his heinous plans Trump intends to use the US Army, who exist, of course, to defend the United States against its enemies foreign and domestic. (You know, like the people who invaded the capital on 6 January 2021 with the intention of overturning the election.) The army is not trained in immigration law, so should they comply, they will become a very broad brush sweeping up those with the “wrong” surnames, skin colour, voting record, etc. It is worth noting that the very first concentration camp (Dachau) opened in 1933. It imprisoned not just Jews, but dissident clergy, lawyers, teachers, intellectuals and those from other political parties.

Over fifty years ago, when America was still anti-fascist, my college German professor–knowing my interest in 20th century history, set me the task of translating ALL of Hitler’s broadcast speeches from the time he became chancellor to the outbreak of war in 1939. It was a sobering and informative endeavour. (My professor had served as a translator at the Nuremburg Trials.) If you should think I am overreacting in the paragraphs above, note that there have been public neo-nazi marches in Ohio in the past two days. As the German philosopher, Hegel, once wrote: “The thing we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.” (Emphasis added.)

As night begins to fall over the American experiment in democracy, mark well the unqualified buffoons in the photo above–and there are more, such as JD Vance or whatever his name really is. (How often have you changed your name?) The common threads are that they are very wealthy, white, and anti-democratic, but do have the insidious genius of getting people to vote in their own worst interests, just as Hitler, Goebbels and Goering did in the 1930s. The populace, of course, will only realise their error when it is far too late, just as Germany was brought to smouldering ruins after 12 years of nazism. Sadly, as history has shown, the innocent will suffer with the guilty–including the remaining Western democracies.

Who Do You KNOW You Are?

My wife and I live on a small farm amidst larger farms in Basse Normandie. We grow a variety of fruits and vegetables, as well as keep goats and chickens. Several months ago I wrote a blog entitled “East of Eden”, in which I stated that animals metaphorically live in the biblical Eden, as they are always what they were created to be. The same applies to plants. The acorn, if let alone, will grow into an oak tree–and so it goes with other plants and their seeds. Of all living things on this earth, only humanity has to wrestle with the “Who am I?” question…and some of us die before we ever find the answer. For me this is one of life’s greatest tragedies.

Another of life’s tragedies is that we humans often assume that we alone, of all creatures, have a purpose for our lives. We naïvely–or stupidly–assume that other animals have no real purpose in living except what we assign to them. Thus we see numerous species hunted to extinction. Several years ago, when my wife and I were living for a short time in the US, I attended a dinner of old schoolmates. One of them was eagerly showing the photo of several animals he had shot on some rural land he owns. I have been able to block out of mind the others in the photo, but I can still see the bobcat. The shooter didn’t have any animals or crops being affected by the ones he had shot; he simply wanted to shoot them because they were there. After all, what purpose did they serve? Please take 3-4 minutes to watch the following video. I’ll wait. https://youtu.be/ysa5OBhXz-Q

Amazing, isn’t it? Take one animal out of the ecosystem and all becomes chaos. It is not our business to decide the purposes innate in other creatures–human or otherwise. The bottom line is: if we, as individuals, do not know or realise our truest selves, then we won’t begin to discern the purpose of any other living being. The persons we project ourselves to be are nothing like what we know ourselves to be–deep inside. Look at the money women and men(!) pour into cosmetics in order to look…like what or whom? Across the globe, in 2022, people spent over $100 billion on cosmetics, and this is expected to rise by 6.85% annually through 2026. That’s a lot of money to spend so that we won’t look like the person who greets us in the mirror each morning. And then there is liposuction, cosmetic surgery and the list goes on. How much of this is driven by social media?–knowing that we are “on call” 24/7 and liable to be seen on one screen or another?

But the real issue lies deeper; not in our physique, but in our psyche. Too many people dare not look inside and will do just about anything not to spend time by themselves–or in silence. One refreshing thing about having worked in the prison environment is that people in prison have been yanked off life’s treadwheel and away from all material distractions. Yes, some simply retreat deeper inside themselves and their lies, but many others come face-to-face with themselves for the first time. Those who have suffered any addiction and resorted to a 12-Steps programme have the same experience of meeting their true selves. The marvellous aspect of all this is when they find that they are lovable–just as they are–no masks, no lies , no false projections.

I cannot say for certain, but it is intriguing to consider that perhaps the discovery of our true selves–the persons you and I are meant to be–is our most valuable purpose on this earth. The persons you and I are, right now, are unique. The ancient carbon in your billions of cells, animated by the breath of life (ruakh, pneuma, spiritus) will only take this form once. Don’t blow it! Live your life, not a lie. Embrace it!