Chopping Wood, Carrying Water

For any readers familiar with Zen Buddhism the above phrase will be familiar: “Before enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water; after enlightenment, chopping wood, carrying water.” When I was young and much more idealistic than I am now–and I am still an idealist!–I used to picture enlightenment as a constant state of bliss…perhaps even as an escape from the mundane. I was wrong, of course. Enlightenment isn’t about ending life as we know it, but about changing our inner attitude towards life as we know it: Everything has changed, but nothing is different. Chopping wood and carrying water. Life does go on and we need to eat, sleep, do some form of work etc.

My wife and I live on a little farm in Basse Normandie which we share with goats, chickens and a cat. Because we heat with wood, my daily routine is shaped by chopping wood (that’s one of our woodpiles in the photo) and carrying water. Just recently we had 12 days of below freezing weather which resulted in the well water freezing. Thus we had to carry a lot of water from our house to our goats and hens. It was simply necessary to sustain life. Yet it wasn’t drudgery because this is a life I choose and I wouldn’t change it with anyone.

A little background: From my earliest days I was counter-cultural. A dear professor friend once said to me, “Frère Jacques (his nickname for me) your greatest challenge in life will be to walk the fine line between being co-opted by society and its norms and being crushed beneath its wheel.” I was 19 years old…whew! Yet truer words were never spoken. Being academically gifted I spent numerous years as a “student prince” accruing scholarships and grants and studying at world class universities, such as Duke and Harvard. I earned four degrees, my doctoral dissertation was published by a renowned academic press and yet…I found academia as full of snobs and pricks as the rest of the society. At the same period I became an ordained minister–mistakenly thinking that the church offered a viable countercultural life. Well, it did for the 7 years I was a prison chaplain (where I felt curiously at home!) but parish life became a boring round of hatch, match and despatch religion, with very little curiosity about the bigger questions of life or service to others.

Now let us go back to about 1972. I was spending a winter term with some fellow students on my family’s farm in the lower Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. It was an experiment in communal living which turned out to be a disastrous learning experience. During this time I wandered into a small roadside cabin which sold second-hand tools, etc. I had needed a good bow saw. The owner sat by his little pot-bellied stove for warmth. Now here was a man who seemed genuinely at peace with himself and the world. It turns out that he split his time between his little shop and being the janitor at the local bank. He talked reflectively about the people he saw entering and leaving the bank. It was a mixture of hope, tears, worry and disappointment–all focussed around money: the need for it or lack of it. This man lived a quiet, almost monastic life, with few material needs beyond life’s necessities. He made an impression on me that has lasted to this day. (And I still have the bow saw!) But at that time I had my lust for knowledge and travel which drove me towards some sort of “future fulfilment.” One day, my friends and I went hiking around a lake formed by a Tennessee Valley Authority dam, where I encountered another chap whose impression would last a lifetime. He actually lived inside the dam! There was a small apartment on the top edge of the dam. He operated the gates to send water down the Dan River. (This was in the days when things had to be done manually.) Once again, he lived a sort of monastic existence. He had shelter, warmth and the necessary comforts: electricity, water, etc. His life was spent in exquisite natural beauty and tranquility. And like the shopkeeper, he had peace of mind.

Maybe I am just a slow learner or needed the stern tutelage of life’s hard knocks. I have flirted with being co-opted by society’s charms and have come damn close to being crushed beneath society’s wheel. But neither of those possible outcomes has had the final say. Learning to be who I am, where I am has been a lesson well worth the learning. If I could never go on an aircraft or ship again, and were restricted to our little farm, I wouldn’t shed a tear. I will gladly go on chopping wood and carrying water on this little piece of paradise.

RFK, Jr: The New Karl Brandt?

RFK, Jr has been very vocal of late concerning the unhappy plight of people with autism and the drain they place on society and their families. This redounds with Aktion T4, a private authorisation signed by Hitler in 1939 to authorise the involuntary euthanasia of children and adults with disabilities. Dr. Brandt and his associates decided that such persons (Untermenschen) could not be happy, loving or productive…how could they know? Nevertheless parents and carers of persons with various handicaps were encouraged to send their family members into one of the various clinics across Germany where they could be properly « treated ». In fact, their treatment was to be gassed shortly after their arrival. Brandt et al experimented with various ways of killing those in their charge, from carbon monoxide poisoning in the back of trucks to Zyklon B, which was found to be quicker and more efficient, thus becoming the killing method of choice in the concentration camps. In time, Aktion T4 was extended to the elderly, chronically ill and others who were considered to be « unworthy of life ».

Unworthy of life

Unworthy of life…let that sink in and then consider the recent statements made by Robert Kennedy: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/apr/20/autism-vaccines-robert-f-kennedy-jr-usa-donald-trump

The Holocaust did not begin with the Jews. It began with the deliberate killing of ordinary Germans whose only crime was to have a disability. At present the focus is on autism, but just as in Nazi Germany the focus will widen to other « undesirables ». Trump is talking about having people he deems criminals sent to El Salvador, with no hope of return. Let’s remember that Hitler first suggested that all Europe’s Jews should be sent to Madagascar. But that was too slow, cumbersome and expensive, so local extermination was deemed most appropriate.

We dismiss the sick drivel that is spewed forth by Trump, RFK, Musk and Vance at our peril. They are following a plan. As for me, I will not be celebrating Liberation Day on 8 May here in France, because I see the same evils in the works again after a mere 80 years.

The Munich Irony

More than a few pundits have noted the ironic similarity of this week’s Munich conference between leaders of the European Union and JD Vance of the US, and the Munich conference of 1938. In 1938, Hitler, Neville Chamberlain, PM of Britain, Édouard Daladier of France and Mussolini decided the fate of the then Czechoslovakian state, without representation from the Czech people. A few days ago we watched JD Vance give European leaders a dressing down, telling them their countries were not true democracies because they try to prevent such undemocratic takeovers as we have witnessed in the US. The purpose of the meeting never arose: Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine. Instead, Trump’s lapboy, Vance told the European leaders that the US and Russia would sort out a peace agreement without European input, and most particularly without Ukraine.

The 1938 Munich conference has been called history’s biggest appeasement debacle. Although Chamberlain returned to Britain waving the agreement signed by Hitler and proclaiming « peace in our time », it was soon consigned the scrap heap of history by Hitler and Stalin’s non-aggression pact, whereby their two countries could gobble up their neighbour, Poland, without a by your leave. This too swiftly ended up on the scrap heap as Hitler invaded Poland and Russia (albeit 20 months later). The invasion of Poland began World War Two in Europe. The peace guaranteed by the Munich agreement hadn’t even lasted a year.

And now Hitler and Stalin, in the persons of Putin and Trump, prepare to meet again in Saudi Arabia to discuss the fate of Ukraine, without of course, input from Ukraine. These will ostensibly be « peace talks » but Trump has already let slip that he wants Ukrainian mineral resources for the US. So is it about « peace » or the division of Ukraine for Russian/American gain? Munich 1938 was about who got what in the name of a short-lived peace. Trump has also made it known that he would like to annex (read: invade) Greenland and Canada as their mineral wealth would benefit US interests (read: Trump’s billionaire friends).

Whatever comes from the US/Russia talks, one thing is certain. American expansionism (Manifest Destiny II) is on the move, just as it is in Russia and China. Under Trump (who has no friends), America’s allies and friends are being treated as potential enemies. The world order has experienced a seismic shift and the world is now a much more dangerous place.

Surviving an Abusive Country?

Most of you who have read my blogs or novels will know that I spent many years working as a prison chaplain in the US during the late 70s and early 80s. I was most affected by the three years I worked in a women’s prison in North Carolina. I would venture to say that the vast majority of women behind bars came from backgrounds of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Often their only « crime » was doing away with their abuser. (Read my novel, Doing Time.)

It’s a sad and well-known fact that women who have been abused, if they escape the relationship, very often they find their way into the hands of another abuser. I can never forget telling a young woman, who had been abused by her father, partner, etc, that I had never hit or abused a woman. She cocked her head as though to get a better look at this bizarre man who didn’t abuse women. That’s all she and her fellow inmates had known. I have often reflected that if I accomplished nothing else as a chaplain, I simply presented and spent time with women as a non-threatening male.

Now let’s widen the lens: what about abusive countries? I grew up in the US, the son of a US Marine, and was once described as an « all-American boy »(!). But then the civil rights protests became a part of daily life, and Vietnam loomed. I was white, so I had my privileges regarding the law and lunch counters, but ‘Nam was different. My country was quite content to sacrifice its sons on the altar of national and presidential pride. I managed to avoid the draft by going « off the grid »; which caused a major rift between my father and me, and took years to heal. (Read, No Good Deed) But it was clear to me the US government and Department of Defense cared not one iota for their young people. And so I left the US and, apart from a few years, have lived as an émigré, first in England and now in France.

Now that there is a new(ish) abuser in the White House, for whom the citizenry and the constitution mean nothing, I have received numerous enquiries from people about leaving the US. Many of them remind me of that young woman in prison who found it hard to believe that it was possible to live without abuse…read: lies, corruption, threats to other countries—including allies! The subtext seems to be: « Can I really live a decent life abroad or is it just easier to stay with the guns, racism, sexism et al? » Maybe it’s more existential: « Who will I be when I’m no longer a threatened species in the American ecosystem? » Well, I and numerous other expats are living proof that it’s possible.

My wife and I moved briefly back to the US in 2016, right at the end of Obama’s time in office. I, mistakenly, had hoped that America had changed. It had, but for the worse! Trump came in trying to rid the US of Obama’s legacy, no matter the price paid by the average American. He encouraged militias and even the KKK to « liberate their states », I.e. overthrow legally elected state governments. We felt somewhat like Jews in 1930s Germany. « Does Hitler really mean what he says and what he wrote in Mein Kampf or is it mere rhetoric? » Read: « Does Trump really intend to enact everything in Project 2025? » Well duh. There’s only one way to find out. We got out.

America’s Whitemare

Continuing the theme of “nightmare” from my last blog, today I turn to the core issue: race. But it is not just a matter of skin colour; no, America’s nightmare is a toxic mixture of race theory wedded to an unconstitutional view of religion seasoned with a bastardized version of Jesus. This is the Whitemare awaiting Americans. Once again, if you think I am exaggerating, simply revisit republican Kandiss Taylor’s “Jesus, Guns, Babies” tagline. She was the republican gubernatorial candidate for Georgia.

The unholy marriage of Jesus and guns gives white christian nationalists the assurance that theirs is a crusade, that God is on their side, and that those who disagree with them are simply living, moving targets for their stockpiles of weapons.

The future of America doesn’t simply look bleak, but bleached…bleached white. One can easily envisage white nationalist churches with both the American flag standing opposite the confederate battle flag or the swastika. Pasty white faces all in a row with their voices raised, and a tear in the corner of the eye, as they sing

Jesus hates the foreign children

All foreign children of the world,

Red and yellow black and brown,

He will blithely gun them down,

Jesus hates the foreign children of the world.

The Nightmare Begins

One month after Hitler was elected chancellor of Germany (January 1933) there was a fire in the Reichstag building (probably started by the Nazis), the home of the German Parliament. This led to the “Enabling Act for the Protection of People and State.” It was, in effect, a “declaration of national emergency” such as Trump intends to enact after(?) his inauguration in January of 2025–almost exactly 92 years to the date after Hitler became chancellor. Trump’s intention is to play the same card as did Hitler: Round up the Unerwünschte or “undesirables” who are “poisoning America’s blood.” To carry out his heinous plans Trump intends to use the US Army, who exist, of course, to defend the United States against its enemies foreign and domestic. (You know, like the people who invaded the capital on 6 January 2021 with the intention of overturning the election.) The army is not trained in immigration law, so should they comply, they will become a very broad brush sweeping up those with the “wrong” surnames, skin colour, voting record, etc. It is worth noting that the very first concentration camp (Dachau) opened in 1933. It imprisoned not just Jews, but dissident clergy, lawyers, teachers, intellectuals and those from other political parties.

Over fifty years ago, when America was still anti-fascist, my college German professor–knowing my interest in 20th century history, set me the task of translating ALL of Hitler’s broadcast speeches from the time he became chancellor to the outbreak of war in 1939. It was a sobering and informative endeavour. (My professor had served as a translator at the Nuremburg Trials.) If you should think I am overreacting in the paragraphs above, note that there have been public neo-nazi marches in Ohio in the past two days. As the German philosopher, Hegel, once wrote: “The thing we learn from history is that we do not learn from history.” (Emphasis added.)

As night begins to fall over the American experiment in democracy, mark well the unqualified buffoons in the photo above–and there are more, such as JD Vance or whatever his name really is. (How often have you changed your name?) The common threads are that they are very wealthy, white, and anti-democratic, but do have the insidious genius of getting people to vote in their own worst interests, just as Hitler, Goebbels and Goering did in the 1930s. The populace, of course, will only realise their error when it is far too late, just as Germany was brought to smouldering ruins after 12 years of nazism. Sadly, as history has shown, the innocent will suffer with the guilty–including the remaining Western democracies.

Who Do You KNOW You Are?

My wife and I live on a small farm amidst larger farms in Basse Normandie. We grow a variety of fruits and vegetables, as well as keep goats and chickens. Several months ago I wrote a blog entitled “East of Eden”, in which I stated that animals metaphorically live in the biblical Eden, as they are always what they were created to be. The same applies to plants. The acorn, if let alone, will grow into an oak tree–and so it goes with other plants and their seeds. Of all living things on this earth, only humanity has to wrestle with the “Who am I?” question…and some of us die before we ever find the answer. For me this is one of life’s greatest tragedies.

Another of life’s tragedies is that we humans often assume that we alone, of all creatures, have a purpose for our lives. We naïvely–or stupidly–assume that other animals have no real purpose in living except what we assign to them. Thus we see numerous species hunted to extinction. Several years ago, when my wife and I were living for a short time in the US, I attended a dinner of old schoolmates. One of them was eagerly showing the photo of several animals he had shot on some rural land he owns. I have been able to block out of mind the others in the photo, but I can still see the bobcat. The shooter didn’t have any animals or crops being affected by the ones he had shot; he simply wanted to shoot them because they were there. After all, what purpose did they serve? Please take 3-4 minutes to watch the following video. I’ll wait. https://youtu.be/ysa5OBhXz-Q

Amazing, isn’t it? Take one animal out of the ecosystem and all becomes chaos. It is not our business to decide the purposes innate in other creatures–human or otherwise. The bottom line is: if we, as individuals, do not know or realise our truest selves, then we won’t begin to discern the purpose of any other living being. The persons we project ourselves to be are nothing like what we know ourselves to be–deep inside. Look at the money women and men(!) pour into cosmetics in order to look…like what or whom? Across the globe, in 2022, people spent over $100 billion on cosmetics, and this is expected to rise by 6.85% annually through 2026. That’s a lot of money to spend so that we won’t look like the person who greets us in the mirror each morning. And then there is liposuction, cosmetic surgery and the list goes on. How much of this is driven by social media?–knowing that we are “on call” 24/7 and liable to be seen on one screen or another?

But the real issue lies deeper; not in our physique, but in our psyche. Too many people dare not look inside and will do just about anything not to spend time by themselves–or in silence. One refreshing thing about having worked in the prison environment is that people in prison have been yanked off life’s treadwheel and away from all material distractions. Yes, some simply retreat deeper inside themselves and their lies, but many others come face-to-face with themselves for the first time. Those who have suffered any addiction and resorted to a 12-Steps programme have the same experience of meeting their true selves. The marvellous aspect of all this is when they find that they are lovable–just as they are–no masks, no lies , no false projections.

I cannot say for certain, but it is intriguing to consider that perhaps the discovery of our true selves–the persons you and I are meant to be–is our most valuable purpose on this earth. The persons you and I are, right now, are unique. The ancient carbon in your billions of cells, animated by the breath of life (ruakh, pneuma, spiritus) will only take this form once. Don’t blow it! Live your life, not a lie. Embrace it!

Release All Felons from American Prisons

I spent a fair number of years working as a chaplain inside American prisons of all security grades–including death row. I worked in both men’s and women’s prisons, in the American South and the Midwest. I had a front-row seat to witness the gross injustice of the state and federal “justice system.” In fact, it didn’t take many years to discover the justice system itself was criminal. (If you have no firsthand experience of American prisons, read my book Criminal Justice, https://jacknlawson.com/criminal-justice/ It can be found on Amazon.)

I worked in one particular pre-release “open prison” in Raleigh, NC. It was, for the most part, a place where men who had served 10 or more years in prison spent the final months of their sentences becoming accustomed to the world outside, which for many had changed beyond recognition. By obtaining paid work in the community, they could learn how much the dollar had devalued during their incarceration, largely by paying for their food and accommodation in the “advancement center.” I remember one African-American inmate who had spent 20 years behind bars for the theft of a television. Imagine how he felt when white, wealthy criminals showed up for a few months of easy time? One I cannot forget was the son of a wealthy local businessman who, with some friends, stole a car and a motorbike, drove them to Myrtle Beach, SC where they commited robbery and then torched the car and bike. He received four months of easy time. Talk about criminal justice! Justice is not just blind, but deaf, mute and mentally impaired as well.

And now for the pièce de résistance: Americans are seriously considering putting a convicted criminal (34 felonies), adulterer, compulsive liar, tax-dodger and rapist in the White House. If he deserves to walk away from his crimes unpunished–and even rewarded by the nation’s highest office–then, in this former prison chaplain’s opinion, the American justice system has set a precedent whereby all other felons deserve to walk free. I defy you to prove it should be otherwise.

The Demon in Democracy

Even the basic student of history knows that democracy has one internal flaw: It can be voted out of existence. In early 1933, Hitler’s National Socialists (Nazis) were legally and democratically elected. That was Germany’s last election for 16 years. During the interim, the nazis brought about the cataclysmic Second World War, including the destruction of their own country. In 2000, Russia’s President Putin was elected to a 6 year term, with a maximum of two terms. Similarly, Mahmoud Abbas, president of the Palestinian Authority, was elected in 2005 to a five year term…you do the maths. And now Donald Trump is talking about an extended time in office and a “unified Reich.” Be careful what you wish for…

I am a staunch supporter of democracy, but I am a realist and have been aware for most of my life that there lies a demon in the heart of democracy, and that is: it contains the possibility of its own destruction. US news pundits are falling all over the themselves asking whether a convicted felon can serve as president. Sadly–and shockingly–the answer is “yes”. It seems the likes of James Madison and those who helped him formulate the constitution never envisaged the problem of having a felon be nominated for the presidency. Thus no provisions were made to counteract it. Ten years ago, who could have seriously considered that a crime boss would be selected the candidate of the Republican party? But now, it has become a badge of honour.

If Trump should be re-elected, this would set a dangerous precedent that would allow murderers, child abusers, drug dealers and others to serve as president. But that is, of course, if there will be further elections. Trump openly admires the likes of Putin, Kim Jong Un and other despots. To dismiss the possibility of a younger Trump replacing Don, Sr. when he dies is not beyond the realm of possibility. Remember, Hitler spent time in prison for treason nine years before he was elected Chancellor. It was during his imprisonment that Hitler penned Mein Kampf, laying out plans that most of Germany (and the world) never took seriously…until it was too late.

Because most people are subject to their projections–what they want to believe or see–rather than the hard facts staring them in the face; they believe the likes of Trump will “be their friend”. Was it Lenin who said, that in order to retain power, first you kill your enemies, then you kill your friends? But that alas is where denial comes in: “It can’t happen to me/us.”

We would do well to remember the words of German pastor Martin Niemoller, himself a decorated U-Boat captain in WW1 (Iron Cross, first class) and who voted for Hitler in 1933; something he very much came to regret. When he became an outspoken critic of the nazi regime, he was imprisoned from 1937 until the end of the war in May 1945.

“First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Martin Niemöller

East of Eden

For some of my readers the title of this blog will conjure up a novel by Steinbeck; others will recognise it from Genesis 4 wherein Cain, after killing his brother Abel, is banished to live “east of Eden”. Of course, Cain’s parents (Adam and Eve) had already been banished from Eden in the previous chapter, after the incident with the “forbidden fruit.” Apart from Trumpist “evangelicals” and other fundamentalists, hardly anyone takes these accounts to be “historical” or literal. Rather, they are stories about growing up and leaving the world of childlike innocence for the world of adult experience. An angel guarding the gate to Eden with a flaming sword or not, the point is that there is no going back. In that sense, all of humanity which reaches adulthood abides east of Eden.

However…although we no longer live “in” Eden, according to the biblical accounts, Eden still exists. You wouldn’t be blamed for uttering an exasperated “Where?!” The answer is simple: Eden is all around us. It is found in all wild animals, farm critters and most pets. According to the biblical narrative the animals were never banned from Eden. And if, as I believe, the Genesis accounts are metaphors for states of being or states of mind, only animals–apart from humans–remain in their ‘Edenic state’ (if you will). And here, I must credit Francis of Assisi and Viktor Frankl with the kernels of this thought.

I have always loved animals of all sorts, and they have always been attracted to me. But it’s since I became a goatherd in rural France that I have truly come to appreciate the Edenic state of animals. They are always exactly what they are created to be, whether it be their ‘goatnicity’, or ‘dogness’. But let’s stick with goats as I love ’em! (By the way, the song about the lonely goatherd from “The Sound of Music” is non-sensical. One cannot be lonely with goats! It’s an existential impossibility.) For goats, their Eden–and their security–is embedded in their instincts. (This is true of nearly all animals, exccept those we have overbred for our desires.) They sniff and taste various plants to discover what is good for them. And because they are the closest thing to wild animals you can keep, they are always on the alert, ready to run for shelter if the slightest thing scares them. When the days shorten, their coats lengthen. Similarly, when the daylight begins to linger, they shed their coats. The goat’s four stomachs–like all ruminants–enables them to synthesize protein from plants which would utterly useless for our consumption. They even know which plants to eat in order to get rid of worms.

So as you can see, we who have become alienated from Eden, are much needier in terms of survival: food, seasonal clothing, shelter, medical care, and the need to earn money to satisfy all of our needs. We won’t even address human idiosyncrasies and mental health issues! (So if by now you haven’t envied a goat’s life then I haven’t done my job!) In many ways, those who advocate animal rights, the protection of endangered species, action over climate change and more, are actually the defenders of the vestiges of Eden. The English poet, John Milton, is best known for his epic poem, Paradise Lost. Hardly anyone remembers that he also wrote another poem entitled Paradise Regained. The only way that we can hope to regain Paradise or Eden is through reconciling ourselves to earth’s other species–plant and animal–and most of all, to each other. War and violence towards all living things can no longer be an option. Eden begins with you and me.